Things you tell yourself when your younger:
"I will let my kids do what they want"
"I will clean my room when I want to"
"I will wake up whenever I want to"
" I will be the coolest parent ever"
"I WILL NOT go to the bathroom with the door wide open"
Things that actually happen when your older:
You do not let your kids do whatever they want, you make your kids clean their room as you continue the never ending task of cleaning your own house, you do not wake up whenever you want because you either wake up for work or from your kids standing at your bedside staring directly at you asking for breakfast over and over again until you drag yourself out of bed on a weekend at 7am, and finally yes, you find yourself sitting on the pot with the door wide open.
Why you ask...?? Well here are the events that lead up to the moment where modesty is thrown out the window forever.
I distinctly remember multiple times as a teenager my mother yelling from the other room asking me to get in here so she could have a full on conversation with me while she is sitting on the toilet with the freaking door open. A relationship with your mom as a teenage girl is already difficult enough, I mean everything she does is embarrassing, but this tops it all. C'mon does the woman have no modesty? No, actually she doesn't and later in life I have learned why.
One day if your lucky and if you wish you will be pregnant. And so it begins. You will go to multiple OBGYN appointments straddling your legs for whomever and if you are so very lucky like I was your hospital will be a "teaching" hospital. So when your about to give birth to your first child and you are in the middle of a contraction your doctor will come in with 10 med students and ask if it's ok for them to watch?!! Why not, there is already a million other people in here staring directly at my crotch, lets go ahead and add a few more. That's what I was thinking. What I replied was "I DON'T CAAAARE!!" due to the fact my son's head was crowning and I just wanted that dam baby out! After that you just try regain any self respect you have left and you don't let anyone look in the direction of your crotch for a good 6 months and that includes yourself. No one wants to see that! Then comes the time that all first time mothers struggle with. Conquering the shower. You know, when your husband is at work and you have been in your PJ's for 3 days straight and you absolutely have to take a shower because your hair is so greasy that it's in a pony tail with no pony tail holder. "What do I do with the baby though?" you ask yourself. "What if he cries, or somehow falls out of his swing, or rolls over, or climbs out of his crib???" Newborns can do that can't they? So what do you do, you take a shower with the door wide open and the curtain half way pulled back so you can watch your sleeping baby.
There you go...the beginning of the end....
When kid #2 comes along your attitude has totally changed. Going to the bathroom or taking a shower is now your one and only source of peace. I would look forward to taking a shower for days. I say days because you are still in your PJ's all the time, this does not change except your in your PJ's for a week instead of 3 days. I specifically remember one day when I was so proud of myself. My kids were a little bigger now and I was working part time. It had been a long week with work and the kids, but I had managed to clean the house, get the laundry done, and make an awesome dinner. I of course was still in my robe but when my husband got home I had it all planned out. I would feed them and while they were eating I would go and take a nice long shower. I tell my husband "I am going to go shower, you watch the kids". Finally peace. I am just starting to relax when I hear my youngest knocking on the door, the door was locked of course. After multiple knocks he stops, a couple minutes later I hear the door knob turning and then I hear a little voice say "mom are you taking a shower?" and there is my son standing in the bathroom with a set of tiny toy keys that he managed to open the bathroom door with! Are you serious! I scream down to my husband to get up here and get my son. So he comes up and grabs him, but does he think to close the bathroom door...NO! The door is wide open letting all the nice warm air out and once again I am standing naked for all to see. You have now officially arrived.
This is your life. You can not escape the opening of doors when you are trying to have a moment of peace. By the way my husband can go sit on his throne for a half hour with not one kid trying to get in??? WTF.
At one time your mother was modest and had privacy, then she had you, and now you have kids and no privacy. It's an ongoing cycle. No way of escape.
I am my mother...you are yours...and that is all.
I did conquer being the coolest parent ever though at least in my mind!
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